Jule of the Nile

I have this issue.

I stand with my mother in her closet as she cleans it out, and throws things aside to give away. I spot a great pair of red-soled pumps or a fabulous briefcase that she used in her late twenty's. I make her vow to not give it away just yet- to wait to give it to me. Instead she tells me to take it. Now. Take it now, Jules. As in the present tense.

But mom, save it for when I am a real person, for when my life has really begun, for when I have a career, I say....

Jules... This is your life, it has begun, she replies. What are you waiting for??????

Your whole life you grow up hearing that you have no limits, that you can do anything you put your mind to. You could save lives, practice law, study art, change policies, master italian, and become an excellent chef... all at the same time.

At night you lie in bed; you close your eyes after a day of colouring inside the lines and counting apples, to see your future. While you can't always picture what colour your hair is, how tall you've become in your twenty's, or how your face has changed, you are always capable of imagining your power suit (whatever that may be), your workspace, and your successful career(s).

I am twenty-two and nothing looks as my elementary-self thought it would. Thus I think: this isn't it, this couldn't be it, this isn't the way I planned it. My problem is I am always waiting for my life to begin. I mean I know this is my life now, but somewhere in there I am waiting for my real life to begin. While I pray I have not peaked ( at this point in time my most successful years were when I was a people-pleasing-track and field sprinting-soccer playing-perfectionist back in 2000), it is time for me to accept that this IS indeed it.

As 2011 approaches, I am promising to start the new year with a lady-like state of mind. I cannot save precious heirlooms, great dresses, fabulous heels or matchless life opportunities for the perfect/appropriate/right/fitting/proper timing.

While trying to reprogram the way my brain thinks, and get into the womanly spirit, I am feeling the feminine, sophisticated, clean look of blouses with absolutely anything..